[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Green Day- Christie road	]

We are in a relationship for six months now. This were the most amazing six months in my live.

Yesterday we went to the museum to see pictures made by gottfried helnwein. The are amazing. He´s such a adorable person. His pictures are really worth seeing.... Afterwards we went for some dinner in a restaurant named "Paa". This is a special restaurant because the whole menu is vegetarian.
Later we went out for some cocktail.

Although i wished that the night never ends I watched her fall asleep. At this point I realized how lucky I am.

[	mood	|	depressed	]
[	music	|	Alice in chains- Down in a hole	]

Now I wrote a message to him....... He doesn´t wrote back...... I don´t know why because I never had an argue with him.... What happend?

I can´t understand his reaction. I think I´m the scapegoat now.....Fuck.....I never wanted this....

I thougth it will be easy to forget you..... But I need you as a friend... I miss you and never forget you since a scar on my body is dedicated to you.....

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Cradle of filth- Absinthe with faust	]

Yesterday was my 20th birthday. It was the greatest day ever. I woke up and went to work. We celebrated a little bit and then I went home and spent a wonderfull day with my mother. Later Steffi, her mum and our neighbours visited us. We had much fun. Later that day we went out for some cocktail. My brother and his friend Mario went with us. Than we went for some burger. It was a great evening. Back home my family and Steffi celebrated a little bit. We played guitar and sang till 1 am. It was the best day in my live!

Thanks to all!

[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	Good Riddance- Green Day	]

You behaved different last time. I thought you were someone else.....An other person ,not the one I know..... I think somehow it was good that you ignored me and that I hadn´t the possibility to talk to you...... I thought you gave a shit about me allthought I don´t really know why..... Somehow it hurt allthought I could handle it.....If  you don´t care than I don´t care too.... Time went by.... Dawn began..... You said good bye..... Not to me..... As I reached you my hand.... As I looked in your eyes after we kissed our cheeks I saw what you were thinking..... I saw that you care... I saw that you don´t hate me or that you don´t give a shit...... It was a good feeling.... Now I can ignore you too.... Now I can also act like I don´t care.....

Now that I know that you are still playing a game.....I will play with you....

[	mood	|	thoughtful	]
[	music	|	Alice in chains- Down in a hole	]

Then we got to know us better. You told me that you live in a cage and you can´t stay there any longer. We´ve made a mistake. A terrible mistake. But our mistake broke your cage. You was free.....

We met. You told me how beautiful life is because you are free now. You were happy. You never thought about the broken cage.

Now you went back in the cage. It was your decision. Now I don´t know if everything you told me was a lie....I don´t know why you decided to went back..... But it´s you life and not mine.

[	mood	|	depressed	]
[	music	|	Alice in chains- Down in a hole	]

I have never seen such a dark sky before. I make one step after an other on a path which never ends. The cold rain touches my face. It´s the best feeling I´ve ever had. Exept from feeling the blood runing out of a wound which I have cut minutes before.
I´m so confused. The only thing I know is that I made a terrible mistake. A mistake which could change my whole life. If somebody knows what I have done suizid will be the only way for me to escape.

Now it´s time for my decision.
I kissed an angel. I kissed the devil.
I kissed the light. I kissed darkness.
I kissed life. I kissed death.

My whole life I prefered the darker side. No I decided against it. I´ll walk with the angel. She will lead me to the light. I WANT TO LIVE!

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	Wednesday 13- Haunt me	]

So I HAD to write another entry.... I never had time allthough I´m not busy at all....So what happend....

I finished school, passed my final exam and was on vacations in spain.... It was awesome allthough I´m tanned right now :-( But anyway.... I ´m going to start working as a kindergardenteacher in september..... :-) some positive things.....

Allthought the things went well the last two months my live seems to be incomplete and boring.... It seems to me that I could never be satisfied about the things in my live which went well.... It seems to me that there is soooo much more I could reach.... So much more I MUST reach....But forget it.... I should be satisfied about my live and how it went.... It could be worse....

I´m going out this Saturday. I hope I will have much fun......I´m really looking forward to it.......

So bye then.....